All for marshmallows, and marshmallows for all!

I am hardly the first person to make homemade marshmallows and post about it on the internet. My earliest recollection of the possibility of homemade marshmallows came from a Martha Stewart Living magazine cover of impossibly intricate snowflake-shaped marshmallows floating in cups of hot chocolate against a wintry-blue background back in the early 2000's. However, the inspiration for actually tackling the project came from Janine, in the early stages of our relationship when I was just starting to learn about her sometimes quirky, always very specific food preferences.

Shopping with Janine is an interesting experience. Her mind contains a dizzying, meticulously categorized and cross-referenced database of available products, what brands manufacture and distribute them, where to buy them, and how much they cost across several brick and mortar stores and the internet. I have been in a pet store with her, walking across the entire length and around the perimeter multiple times while she evaluated prices, looked for bargains and calculated what the best deal was using which discount cards or coupons or specials or rebates. I have finally learned to hang out in one place until she was finished and we could leave.

One day we were in Stop and Shop, shopping for some essentials when she suddenly veered off into the candy aisle, muttering that she wanted to check for something. She quickly returned, bemoaning the fact that it was not the right time of year to find what she was looking for. Upon further inquiry, she told me  her tale of woe about how she could never find this one particular brand of toasted coconut marshmallows unless it was around Halloween and only at a particular Stop and Shop. We were not at that Stop and Shop and it was June, but she thought she'd check it anyway. When it finally was closer to Halloween, she was still not able to find that particular brand of toasted coconut marshmallows.

A couple of months later, when shopping at Whole Foods, we spied a tiny (oh so tiny!) container of vegan toasted coconut marshmallows in the cooler next to the mini-pies. The price on this tiny, tiny Whole Foods vegan coconut marshmallow container? $7.99. Ouch. Believe me, we wrestled long and hard over the thought of buying $8.00 marshmallows. It went against all of Janine's bargain-hunting sensibilities, not to mention my own skinflint tendencies. But she had been deprived for so long of this wondrous sugary sensation, and I  had to admit that my curiosity about them was heavily piqued.

We somewhat reluctantly parted ways with our $8.00 and were rewarded with an amazing taste sensation that we heartily agreed was worth every penny. But, after all 12 pieces were gone (yes, 12, and yes, that is roughly 67 cents per marshmallow), and after the sugar high had faded I began to have my doubts about our extravagance. $8.00 for a bit of sugar, air and coconut? What had we done?

My dear friend Tim will attest to my firm belief in finding cheaper alternatives to just about everything (gourmet popcorn, recycled-paper notebooks, haircuts), even if I have to make or do them myself. For me it's all about the process. I conjured up the memory of that Martha Stewart Living cover, and turned to the internet for help and made my very own toasted coconut marshmallows. Janine's verdict? As good as, no... better, than the store-bought brand. Win!

Since then I've made homemade marshmallows for several holiday occasions where I felt the need to bring something for the table. And they are always a hit. I've made variations--instead of the coconut I've made them plain, dipped in chocolate, drizzled with chocolate, and flavored with peppermint and dusted with pulverized candy canes. And the best of the variations, the toasted coconut marshmallows, can now be enjoyed by Janine at any time of the year.

Here is my recipe, which is my hybrid of the Martha Stewart and Cooking for Engineers recipes, along with tips and tricks gathered from other internet marshmallow makers and my own experience. The photos are from last Saturday, as we made some to bring to Easter Sunday dinner.

Feed test

Tumblr has a feature where I can embed the feed in as a post with a short description. This blog entry is to test that feature.

Thank you for your patience. We shall now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Recipe for Disaster, A President's Day Weekend Hash

Ingredients:

• One mom of two elementary-age boys
  
• One long-distance girlfriend of mom, self described as "a non-motherly type", "cool auntie" and "crazy animal lover"
  
• Two sons, ages 6 and 9
• Two nephews, ages 7 and nearly 10
• Two wienerdogs
  

Condiments, to taste:

• One adult gay man to provide sustenance, booze and moral support
• Two turtles and one fish of indeterminate ages
  

Procedure:

1. In the dead of winter, drive two hours and place all ingredients into 4-room, one bedroom, one bathroom apartment.
   
2. Sprinkle children liberally with Wii games, Pokemon cards and snacks. Set aside to marinate.
   
3. Meanwhile in separate room, engage all adults in that quintessential pastime , Chatting in the Kitchen Eating Grownup Food and Drinking Grownup Drinks.
   
4. Arrange wienerdogs to remain annoyingly underfoot of all adults in the kitchen until they tire of begging and burrow into their beds in a thankfully little used corner of the kitchen.
5. Combine all ingredients and simmer over low heat for 2-4 hours.
   
6. As the night winds down, warn kids of their impending bed time and send the dogs out for their final voiding ritual of the day

Surprise ingredient:

• add: One cranky skunk awakened from hibernation by a false spring

Procedure, continued

7. Rush very surprised and nearly blinded skunk-sprayed wienerdog into the house for an emergency sink bath
8. Remove one adult from mixture to purchase liberal amounts of tomato juice and cheap toothpaste
9. Manage major freak out of kids who find it somehow entertaining to run into the room, gag from the smell and run back out, thereby spreading foul odors throughout the apartment.
10. Return adult from errand and proceed with bathing skunked dog in tomato juice.
    
11. Light candles, incense and send the kids to bed
12. Gradually become immune to the smell, think it is nearly gone, until...
13. the next day, venture out and endure stares and wrinkly noses from passers-by.
    
14. Repeat tomato juice baths, launder clothes, air out jackets and engage in other ritualistic de-skunkifying activities.
15. Discover on the internet that such rituals are a bunch of folkloric malarkey.
    
16. Wallow in skunk smell until time to separate ingredients
    
17. Drive two hours home, then wash everything that went on the trip
18. Fall into bed, review recipe and decide that it was still a resounding success.

Clear!

My good friend Tim has inspired me to break out the defibrillator paddles to revive this blogspace, which has been on hiatus since 2007. At the risk of sounding flippant about the significant life events that have happened during that time I feel the need to fast-forward us into the present by summarizing the past few years (years!) into a few bullet points.

Things that changed:

• My relationship ended
• I moved out of my house and into my apartment
• I learned how to "be single"
• I started socializing and making new friends
• I started a new relationship
• I started a new job
• I own some new appliances: a washer and dryer, and a sewing machine
  

Things that stayed the same:

• My kids. Oh, sure they grew up some. But they're still the same sweet little guys and they just get better with age.
• I still like to take pictures
• I still like to grow things
• I still like to buy things, particularly art, craft and office supplies.
• I still like to cut my own hair
• I still like to cut others' hair
  

Now that we are up to speed, let's proceed... Charging unit to 200...